LY words and other adverbs -Stronger Writing #6

The Deadly –ly

“Ly words almost always catch the author in the act of explaining dialogue – smuggling emotions into speaker attributions that belong in the dialogue itself.” Self Editing for fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King. Pg 51

I doubt there is a writer out there who has not been told to eliminate the -ly words, or at least to limit their use severely. The experts tell us -ly words are the mark of a lazy writer. 

Writing the first draft we use whatever easy word comes to mind to help us get the story on the page. In the editing process, we need to search out those weak verb/adverb structures, the way a cat hunts a mouse, and find more specific verbs. One common place we find them is coupled with said and in other constructions to define emotions.

 - If you use an –ly word to tell us how a character is feeling, use action to show us.

She was angry with Tom.

She glared at Tom, her teeth clenched and her fists bunched at her sides. 

- If you use an -ly word to insert emotions, use stronger dialogue.

“How should I know,” she said furiously.

“How the hell should I know?” she said.

- If you use an –ly word to enhance a verb, find a stronger verb.

She walked slowly (or unsteadily) down the street.

She strolled (or tottered) down the street.

Remember, when editing use that find function. Check your –ly words and be honest, isn't there a better way to say it?

MAKE YOUR WRITING ACTIVE

Use Active not Passive

Passive voice:

- Lowers and softens impact

- Distance the reader by forcing her to reorganize the sentence into SVO (Subject+Verb+Object)

- Uses 30% more words than active voice

- Lays flat and dull on the page

In active voice the subject acts.

In passive voice, the action is done TO the subject.

Active:             The sleuth caught the killer.

Passive:           The killer was caught by the sleuth.

To Find Passive Voice – Watch for this combination in structures:

- a form of the verb “to be” (is, am are, was, were, be, been or being)

- a participle or past participle (-ing and –ed verbs)

- a prepositional phrase beginning with by (written or implied)

            The rules were changed by the boss.

            The rules were changed. (by an implied someone)

Using WAS, ING’s and TO’s (participles or infinitives) result in passive constructions that distance the reader from the action.

Example

Passive:

• Considering her options, Jane tried to think of a way to grant the snake freedom without actually touching it.  One of the solutions she considered was barbecue tongs, but that would mean lifting the shoe box edge high enough for the slithery little monster to make an escape, so that was abandoned.

 Active:

• Jane considered her options.  How the heck could she grant the snake freedom without actually touching it?  She could use barbecue tongs, but that would mean lifting the shoe box edge high enough for the slithery little monster to escape. No, she wouldn’t try the tongs.

 Write your story any way you can, but when you have the meat on the platter, trim the fat. Cut back on structures that distance your reader. Garnish with action and pull your readers in.

WRITE STRONGER WITH FIVE PROVEN TOOLS

WRITE STRONGER - EDIT YOUR OWN WORK  

In reviewing my own work-in-progress and the work of newer writers, I am reminded of the Muddy Writing we all use in our first drafts. (Well, most of us - there are always exceptions although I have yet to meet one.) 

Words flow off our fingers in the first writing. That's necessary to create and capture our stories. 'Get it down anyway we can' is the mantra. But when we're finished the creative phase, we MUST EDIT. The stats are out there. SUCCESSFUL AUTHORS RE-WRITE!

These five key areas are the most common ways we muddy our stories.

1) telling instead of showing, 
2) passive instead of active structures 
3) too many prepositional phrases 
4) overuse of perception words (felt, saw, heard...) and
5) a proliferation of adverbs - the lazy ly.

Showing our readers the action and letting them interpret what's happening draws them deeper into the story and also respects their interpretive powers. Cleaning up our writing is how we make that happen. Numbers two through five contribute to the telling-not-showing dilemma. Fix them and improve your writing.

There are numerous books on how to edit your work. The above five items appear in most of them. I spent a winter reading books on how-to-write. The thirty-seven from that winter plus others read over decades learning the writing craft, add up to hundreds of books. ALL OF THE ONES I READ MENTIONED THOSE FIVE ITEMS IN THEIR HOW TO WRITE BETTER sections. And today, the internet provides the information. There are no solid excuses to avoid intelligently editing your work.

So folks, whether you are writing short or long, fiction or non-fiction, learn your tools and apply them. 

Question: What writing stumbling block bothers you the most?