LY words and other adverbs -Stronger Writing #6

The Deadly –ly

“Ly words almost always catch the author in the act of explaining dialogue – smuggling emotions into speaker attributions that belong in the dialogue itself.” Self Editing for fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King. Pg 51

I doubt there is a writer out there who has not been told to eliminate the -ly words, or at least to limit their use severely. The experts tell us -ly words are the mark of a lazy writer. 

Writing the first draft we use whatever easy word comes to mind to help us get the story on the page. In the editing process, we need to search out those weak verb/adverb structures, the way a cat hunts a mouse, and find more specific verbs. One common place we find them is coupled with said and in other constructions to define emotions.

 - If you use an –ly word to tell us how a character is feeling, use action to show us.

She was angry with Tom.

She glared at Tom, her teeth clenched and her fists bunched at her sides. 

- If you use an -ly word to insert emotions, use stronger dialogue.

“How should I know,” she said furiously.

“How the hell should I know?” she said.

- If you use an –ly word to enhance a verb, find a stronger verb.

She walked slowly (or unsteadily) down the street.

She strolled (or tottered) down the street.

Remember, when editing use that find function. Check your –ly words and be honest, isn't there a better way to say it?

MAKE YOUR WRITING ACTIVE

Use Active not Passive

Passive voice:

- Lowers and softens impact

- Distance the reader by forcing her to reorganize the sentence into SVO (Subject+Verb+Object)

- Uses 30% more words than active voice

- Lays flat and dull on the page

In active voice the subject acts.

In passive voice, the action is done TO the subject.

Active:             The sleuth caught the killer.

Passive:           The killer was caught by the sleuth.

To Find Passive Voice – Watch for this combination in structures:

- a form of the verb “to be” (is, am are, was, were, be, been or being)

- a participle or past participle (-ing and –ed verbs)

- a prepositional phrase beginning with by (written or implied)

            The rules were changed by the boss.

            The rules were changed. (by an implied someone)

Using WAS, ING’s and TO’s (participles or infinitives) result in passive constructions that distance the reader from the action.

Example

Passive:

• Considering her options, Jane tried to think of a way to grant the snake freedom without actually touching it.  One of the solutions she considered was barbecue tongs, but that would mean lifting the shoe box edge high enough for the slithery little monster to make an escape, so that was abandoned.

 Active:

• Jane considered her options.  How the heck could she grant the snake freedom without actually touching it?  She could use barbecue tongs, but that would mean lifting the shoe box edge high enough for the slithery little monster to escape. No, she wouldn’t try the tongs.

 Write your story any way you can, but when you have the meat on the platter, trim the fat. Cut back on structures that distance your reader. Garnish with action and pull your readers in.

WAS is a 4 letter word - Proven Editing Tools # 4

WAS is a Four Letter Word

by guest blogger - Diana Cranstoun

It was a cold and moonlit night.

Discussions around editing and passive voice prompted the following balanced article listing pros and cons for using the word "was." Diana volunteered to write this article in the series  on Writing Stronger - five proven areas for editing. Thanks, Diana, for these insights.

According to Michael Hauge, the job of the filmmaker is to elicit emotion in the audience. That responsibility holds equally true for the fiction writer. Our readers want to share in our characters' journeys, experiencing in a visceral way their joy and despair, fear and courage, trust and betrayal etc.

As writers, we’re told the most effective way to do this is to ‘show’ our stories rather than ‘tell’ them. A simple technique to 'show' is to use active, rather than, passive voice.

Passive voice – telling - holds the reader at arm’s length, and merely informs.

Active voice – showing -  engages the reader, eliciting emotion in both reader and character.

One of the biggest culprits of passive voice?  ‘Was’. It might only be a three letter word, but the writer must treat it with the same respect as its four-letter cousin.  Rely on was too frequently and your writing will lose its power.

The Argument AGAINST 'was':

Take this simple phrase:  He was walking.  ‘Was’ plus an ----ing verb is about as passive as it gets, and is on the 'No, no, no, no, no!' self-editing checklist for many publishing companies.  It’s boring and rarely suggests - or elicits - emotion in either character or reader.

He walked – is a little better, but it still doesn't tell the reader much.

Now try these for size. He strode. He strolled. He sauntered. He paced. He plodded. He shuffled. He waddled. He marched. He meandered. He slogged.

As a reader, can’t you see a picture in your head of how - exactly – the character 'was walking’? Doesn't that image evoke the emotion the character is feeling? And now don’t you want to use that other three-letter-word ‘Why?’ to ask why the character is feeling that way?

Get your reader to ask ‘Why?’ and you've engaged him. You've now elicited an emotion – at the very least, one of curiosity - in him.

The Argument FOR 'was':

It’s often suggested that during our final edit, we plug ‘was’ into our search option and eliminate its every use.  Maybe that’s taking things a bit too far because 'was' does have a place in our stories.

Where?

In character dialogue. " You know, she was telling me the other day..."  "I heard she was going into the army." "There was a sale at the shops today."

There is an argument to be made that too much showing can adversely affect the pace of a story. Think about the phasing or pacing of a song. If the singer sings each word, each phrase, at the same volume and with the same intensity, it's boring and turns the listener off. You need the quiet moments, the loud moments, the fast and the slow. That's one of the roles of 'was' in your book. Sometimes you just need that moment where you want to slip in a fact or piece of incidental information without making a big deal of it.

Ah, but what about the beginning of A Tale of Two Cities, I hear you ask.  In his famous opening line, It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, Dickens uses the word 'was' ten times.  That's right, ten times!

As always, whenever there's a rule, it can be broken. But it's not something I suggest you try to emulate. Dickens' effectiveness has everything to do with the poetic nature of his introduction and the fact that he was a genius. That's not the case for most of us.

So what's the perfect balance?  Is there one? Check out the following links below and see how these best-selling authors from different eras deal with 'was'.