LY words and other adverbs -Stronger Writing #6

The Deadly –ly

“Ly words almost always catch the author in the act of explaining dialogue – smuggling emotions into speaker attributions that belong in the dialogue itself.” Self Editing for fiction Writers by Renni Browne and Dave King. Pg 51

I doubt there is a writer out there who has not been told to eliminate the -ly words, or at least to limit their use severely. The experts tell us -ly words are the mark of a lazy writer. 

Writing the first draft we use whatever easy word comes to mind to help us get the story on the page. In the editing process, we need to search out those weak verb/adverb structures, the way a cat hunts a mouse, and find more specific verbs. One common place we find them is coupled with said and in other constructions to define emotions.

 - If you use an –ly word to tell us how a character is feeling, use action to show us.

She was angry with Tom.

She glared at Tom, her teeth clenched and her fists bunched at her sides. 

- If you use an -ly word to insert emotions, use stronger dialogue.

“How should I know,” she said furiously.

“How the hell should I know?” she said.

- If you use an –ly word to enhance a verb, find a stronger verb.

She walked slowly (or unsteadily) down the street.

She strolled (or tottered) down the street.

Remember, when editing use that find function. Check your –ly words and be honest, isn't there a better way to say it?

WRITE STRONGER - SHOW DON'T TELL

SHOW US YOUR STORY

Immediacy is the lifeblood of good fiction.

“I just couldn't put it down...” is one of the best compliments a writer can receive.
If, as a readier, I am left looking through a window at the action and never permitted to hear, feel, taste, or see firsthand what is going on, I will put the book down.
Good fiction carries the reader away from their everyday world. Good writing draws the reader into the emotions and the lives of the characters. Readers are engaged and keep reading.

How do you Show-Not-Tell?

USE effective point of view plus specific sensory details.

 It takes practice, but by identifying the process in books, you become aware of the language and structure needed to present an appropriate point of view. Eventually, using it will become second nature.

This excerpt, from my earlier misguided and unpublished efforts, TELLS.

John Travis drove Maggie and Joanna to the hospital despite Joanna’s protests. Maggie knew Joanna’s disturbed emotions would have impaired her driving so had backed up John’s insistent offer.

However, this excerpt from Midnight in Paris, by Francine Mandeville SHOWS US THE STORY. It puts us solidly in the heroine’s point of view.

Kendra didn't respond. In fact, she didn't even hear him. Her whole attention was engaged by the sight of Jackson Randall in civilian clothing. One hard shoulder leaned against a marble pillar, and his arms were crossed over the wide expanse of his chest. He was waiting. Clearly, patiently, unmistakably waiting. Kendra felt a rush of exhilaration sweep through her body as she realized from the smile spreading over his face that he was waiting for her.

The immediacy is evident. We see what Kendra sees and we feel her response even as she does. We LIVE the story.

Do you want to engage your readers and keep them coming back for more?

One excellent way to do so is to strengthen your writing with dedicated point of view and specific sensory details. Go back to your manuscript and try it. I think you, and your readers, will be pleased with the results. And please let us know how it works.